Does Experience Matter?

It has been a long while since I sat down and worked on my blog.  We have had many disruptions in the Thomasson household.  I have had serious surgery on my back to fix three vertebra, my wife underwent a seven hour spinal fusion surgical procedure during which she almost bled to death.  We have had health issues with our beloved now-geriatric dogs and one of them had to be put down this last weekend.  Everybody runs into difficult patches like this from time to time.  We face our problems.  We do what is necessary and then we move on to a stage of healing and change.  I am not soliciting sympathy here, it is what it is.

But today, when I was thinking about some of our problems, at a certain point I remembered that there are countless people in this country who have ongoing health issues that they deal with that are chronic and were derived as a result of being in the Armed Forces of the United States.  I felt that their problems and the difficulties that they have in getting treatment through the V.A. (Veterans Administration) gave me a better perspective on my own situation.  

Now stay with me here because I am going to come back to this important point in a few moments. It will take a few twist and turns along the way. Those of you who read my work know that I am a Democrat, that I work with Elbert County to help execute elections and that I have even run for commissioner with the firm knowledge that I was not going to have a snowball's chance in hell of winning.  I do not take on President Trump in this blog even though it is no secret that I am not a fan.  He is still my President.  With that said, I want to point out one blatant flaw in our current Republican majority in the Federal government without any real name calling.  I will stay squarely with verifiable facts and throw a few of those facts out there for  thoughtful discussion.  

The Trump administration has failed to properly run the V.A. and has let the 9,000,000 Veterans and their family members down.  It is a real problem and more important than any arguments that center around disrespecting America.  Standing for the Pledge of Allegiance versus "taking a knee" is a false canard dreamed up by politicians when it is placed next to the abysmal way we are treating the men and women who risked everything for our freedom and came home physically and emotionally wounded or broken.


Today I read an article in Esquire Magazine and I fact checked it against several sources, https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a22675157/veterans-administration-mar-a-lago-donald-trump-asbestos/.   It turns out that there are three people in charge of running the V.A. right now.  None are veterans.  None have any experience in running anything that resembles the largest medical complex on the planet.  Nope, the thing that got these three people the job of running the V.A. is that they are all old friends of Donald Trump.  They are card carrying members of his resort, Mar-a-Lago.  One is a lawyer.  One is a Palm Beach doctor who helps wealthy people obtain high-service “concierge” medical care. The third is the reclusive CEO of Marvel Entertainment, Ike Perlmutter.  Let that sink in for just a moment: The comic book guy is in charge of the health and well-being of the people to whom we owe so much in this country.

This is not a good thing.  This is not a political thing.  Plain and simple... this is a disrespectful gross error that should be rectified.  Our president promised us the "Best People" and these three are not qualified nor do they understand the needs of of our Veterans.  Period.  No matter what your political stripes are, no matter whether you are a fan of this president or not, our Veterans deserve the most qualified person available, and that would require a careful search beyond the confines of the locker room at the president's golf club.

Which brings me back to my day and thinking about my own situation.  Oddly enough, I have been thinking about a discussion regarding who is best qualified to become our next sheriff.  Tim Norton and Don Cherobee are both really nice guys.  In my humble opinion, it is the first election cycle in a long while where I am sure we will end up with a good person at the helm of the Elbert County Sheriff's  Department.  I have been drawn into some discussions in regards to which candidate will do the better job.  I can say with no  hesitation that the most qualified person for the job is Don.  Hands down, there has never been a more qualified person running for EC Sheriff than Mr. Charobee.  He has been in law enforcement all over this country and in Europe.  He has decades of leadership under his belt.  He has recommendations from all levels of law enforcement.

Does that mean that others should see things my way and vote for Don over Tim?  No, it does not.  But the arguments against Don that I have been seeing are quite frankly void of reason and more importantly, honesty.  I have heard it said that he has too much investigatory skills and not enough time spent in a patrol car.  I had one person try to argue that if you need a doctor, you don't go to the dentist.  (I still am not sure what that was about.)  But when it boils right down to it, most of the arguments are intellectually dishonest.  Those disgruntled citizens know Don has more experience, better training and much better recommendations than does Tim.  If they would just be honest, they would come out and say that they can't lower themselves to vote for a Democrat. What it says is that a less qualified Republican is a better choice for them than a more qualified lefty.  

Which finally brings us back full circle.  If Elbert County is the place you make your home,  I suspect you love the rural lifestyle and your family is here.  If you or a loved one ever finds themselves in need of a police officer, you won't call the dispatcher and expect them to send out a Republican officer to chase off a burglar. No, you will want the best trained, best equipped person that the department has to offer.  Why we have politicized the sheriff's department in Colorado is beyond me.  It is about following the laws.   Our sheriffs cannot pass gun legislation, and it does not matter one whit whether they like Paul Ryan or Nancy Pelosi.  It is all about service to a community and following the laws of the land.  If you are looking for political purity of ideas over solving crimes or keeping us safe, then in my opinion you have lost the meaning behind law enforcement.  You will notice I did not say law interpretation...that's political and that should not be a consideration.

If you believe the V.A. should be headed by people of integrity, have an impeccable resume that includes military service and an expressed devotion to the 9,000,000 people utilizing the services of the Veterans Administration, you wouldn't just pick one of the guys you play pinochle with at the club.  They may be wonderful people, but that does not mean they should be in charge.  We owe more to our Veterans.  Likewise, if you have two nice guys running for sheriff, a position that by rule should be above all politics, then you should hire an experienced leader.  We owe more to our Elbert citizenry.

But...and I mean this in all sincerity, it is your vote to spend.  Vote the way you must. Just be honest with yourself about whether your vote was about the most qualified or the most politically pure.  There is a huge and troubling difference.

Open Letter to the Chairperson of the Elbert County Republicans

This past week, a friend of mine posted the meme printed below that he had shared from the Elbert County Republicans Facebook page. The letter following this picture is an open letter to Elbert County Republican Chairperson, Tom Peterson. He is responsible for the message that this meme was designed to evoke.  I chose not to let this message to go unchallenged. Please note, I do not believe all Republicans feel this way about Democrats

Dear Mr. Peterson,

Although we have met on numerous occasions, we never have once participated in any kind of meaningful conversation.  It is therefore an  accurate statement to say you do not know me on any kind of personal level.  You may have formed an opinion on me based on my party affiliation, my blog posts, my editorials in local newspapers or my writing for various electronic media outlets.  The same can be said of my opinion of you; I only see what you pass along on the internet in your role as a political chairperxon. I do not know you on any sort of a personal level. 

I have served as the vice chairperson of the Elbert County Democrats. I have been in charge of the party’s website and content.  I took that position very seriously and made sure that if I put up any kind of information that was critical of the Republicans or their leadership, that it was accompanied by the information that the opinion was based upon.  Those who were criticized might disagree with that assertion, but I believe it is true. As I began to disconnect from the leadership in the local party politics and move toward civic issues, I began my blog, Mundus Vult Decipi.  I have tried to point out that partisan politics should have very little to do with local governance. In the sixty or so posts on my blog since it began, I have almost exclusively tried to point out that Elbert County is safely in the control of Republican leadership. Despite the fact that the majority of our county is conservative in makeup, you seem to not be satisfied with what most people recognize as a Republican stronghold.  In fact it appears you would only be satisfied if every Democrat would just pack up and leave. 

But how far away would this citizen have to move away for you to be satisfied, Mr. Peterson? It seems as if the meme you posted wants to paint everyone in my party as someone who hates this country.  Actually, I do not have to guess about your feelings on this matter.  You state in your opening remark for the meme that you in fact do believe that all Democrats hate our country.  So to answer the question with which I began this paragraph, I believe you are saying, leave America. You have no use for any ideology that differs from yours.  My way or the highway! One party rule! I know you are probably saying to yourself that I am being hyperbolic.  The brutal truth is your mindset embraces intolerance  and shuns the founding principles on which this country was founded.  That said, here you are, the chairman of the local Republicans. A leader who believes that memes like the one you posted are good for America, should be viewed as wholesome and make your county a better place to live. Except it is the opposite.

I can only speak for myself, but let me share a few facts that are indisputable about this one, single Democrat who has lived in this county for twenty-one years.  I work hand in hand with my Republican neighbors in my community, doing volunteer work and helping to assure our roads are plowed and if a fire comes, I will show up with my fire mitigation wagon until the firefighters arrive. I work every election cycle knowing full good and well that no Democrat will be elected in Elbert County and that means taking classes and attending meetings which pull me away from my personal life.  If that was not hateful enough for you, Mr. Peterson, I am currently raising money for the American citizens in Puerto Rico selling photography at a loss to help those in need.  Cue the spooky music, Tom,  it gets even more despicable. I have done mentoring with “at risk” kids in the county. I spent months  working to get a brand new school in Elbert and I don’t have any children. I do historical photography to illustrate the beauty of Elbert County. I donated a 100 year old woodworking marvel that was once in our CCC camp that is being restored for our local museum.  I gave up my AG status the day we moved to this county so that my taxes would help the schools. I can go on, Tom.  But the purpose of this blog is not to sing my praises, because I did not do any of those things for personal recognition any more than anyone of my Republican friends did who were standing right beside me over the years.  We were all just interested in being good citizens, good Americans and good neighbors.

So, Mr. Peterson, you say I hate my country, my police, your family, your church, the military. I could easily put up examples where I provide support to all of those institutions, but why? I have a feeling you will  just be telling  those around you about the pride you are experiencing for further dividing citizens in the county.  I believe in my country, its diversity, the two party system and the goodness of the human heart. You may be a decent person, Tom, but it is hard too see it when you champion the very hate you try to pin on Democrats.  Every soldier, every policeman, every EMT in an an ambulance, every firefighter has a set of political beliefs which is their right granted to them in the constitution. It is tragic, unhelpful and cruel to suggest that their service might be suspect because you believe if they are Democrats, liberals or progressives that they harbor hatred for the country they serve with their lives.  

I don’t hate you, Mr. Peterson.  I just refuse to do any less for my neighbors, county, or country to prove your outrageous concept of leadership. Someone has to do the work of bringing people together and to counter your false claims.

         Sincerely,  Robert Thomasson

The World Through the Eyes And Lens of a Photographer

This is a piece I have been thinking about for a very long time. The initial premise is really quite simple: Once you become a serious photographer, your perspective about almost everything in the world around you is altered. I would go so far as to suggest the world would be a better place if more people actually took meaningful pictures regularly. And yes, I am aware that, with the advent of the smart phone camera, there are more pictures being taken than ever before in human history. That said, selfies are the antithesis of the kind of photography about which I am speaking. 

The type of photography for which I am advocating requires that the person who is taking the picture is looking to capture something specifically in their environment.  It can be as simple as trying to capture beauty in nature. It can be as complex as trying to isolate and capture an emotion. It can be the attempt to chronicle history for those who understand that time moves inexorably forward and that memories can be sharpened with photographs. Loved ones will not always be with us and to capture them in the present might just provide comfort in the distant future.

Photographers are historians. What is captured is at first new and then becomes increasingly older. Everything that reflected light onto the sensor or film in the camera reveals the norms of the day. Clothing, furniture, hairstyles, vehicles and anything else seen with the human eye are pretty much guaranteed to change, but the  captured images will remain  accurate depictions of  moments in time. Photographs become a metric with which change is measured.

It goes even deeper than point and shoot. A good photographer looks into his or her camera and unlike the human eye there is the ability to frame what will go onto the photograph. I cannot begin to tell you just how many of the photographs that I have taken over the years are what I call an extraction.  By that I mean, if you were to open the field of vision too much in any direction there will be something that completely ruins the intention of the photographer.  It might be a pile of junk, a wrecked car, a mountain of manure or a herd of curious yet uncomely cows.  You see, it is framing in such a way as to extract a particular view.  Much of the time it is for pure aesthetics.  You want to find only the beauty.  Sometimes you want the wrecked car with a baby goat proudly dancing on the hood.  You  are in charge of the message.

It is not uncommon for people who otherwise are shy and unable to verbally express themselves are extremely good at photography.  Words are one way to send a message, but you will notice that those who practice the nearsighted walk through an art museum generally leave filled to the psychological brim with an enriched understanding of the world.  The painter, sculptor and photographer are nowhere to be found, but every visitor leaves with the artists’ creative messages bouncing around in their brains...even if it is pure disgust.

For me, it is a simple message.  Of all the things that I encounter, this is what I saw.  These are the things that jumped out at me.  These are the animals that I wouldn't see if I sped by at sixty-five miles per hour. These are the buildings that have stood for so very long and make me want to know who built and used them.  There are as many questions as there are statements.  But all of them are saturated with my desire to learn and share, to shoot and capture.  

We would all be better off if we approached life like a photographer approaches his craft.  There is something worthwhile in every landscape but sometimes it’s necessary to overlook the flaws for the beauty.  There is no perfect sunset, no perfect mountain lake.  The photographer must extract that beauty.  In these times of polarization wouldn’t we all be better off to frame each picture of life for the value it presents rather than focusing on the flaws?

The Older I Get, the More I Realize I will never be Andres Segovia.

I am not generally a person who gets too wound up with the notion of my own mortality.  We are all faced with the realization that we will not live forever. 

And, I recently celebrated another birthday. It was my sixty-seventh revolution around the sun. I was sitting down watching a video of a young man playing the guitar. He was gifted. His music was flawlessly played. His technique was unique and it made his performance all the more engaging. I found myself dealing with a nagging and increasingly anxious feeling. In essence, as silly as it sounds, I realized at that moment, I was never going to be as good at any craft as that young man was at his. In short, I caught a glimpse of the inevitable fact that I am growing older. For a brief fifteen minutes or so, I found myself wondering exactly why this little video clip had struck such a worrisome chord with me.  

There was a little German woman, who along with her husband ran a boot store on Colfax Avenue down by East High School in Denver when I was young. I was an avid hiker, climber and mountaineer in my youth and that boot shop had the best boots in town. The woman's mantra, (which she would oft repeat as she helped customers find their perfect fitting pairs of boots) was, “Life is what you make it...okay?!” It stuck with me. If you want a good life, one where you feel you have given as much as you have taken, it has to be an ongoing process of forging your own desired path. 

I was raised in a somewhat dysfunctional setting where excesses were a way of life. Everyone in my family dealt with anxiety in one form or another and hard living and alcohol were considered viable coping strategies.  However, at a certain point along the path I decided that life did not have to be that way. I decided the little German woman was correct.  You could make your own life and forge your own path. I gave up the notion of being a contractor (the family business) and with the help of my dear sister, chose teaching over construction. 

Teaching was never going to make me an economic powerhouse. But teaching is learning. I decided very early on in my teaching career that the best thing you can give a student is not some chunk of wisdom that they can set on a shelf like a shiny trophy.   No, the best thing that you can show a student is how to love learning.  Life and education is not about winning on a television game show like Jeopardy. The one who amasses the most trivia in life is not always the happiest person.  Life is about following your passions.  Life is most fulfilling when you master the ability to learn what you need to know to get the job you enjoy, master the skill that brings you joy, or demonstrate to those whom you love how to become the best they can be.

Where am I going with this? After taking a few minutes to reflect about the young, gifted guitarist who brought me some unexpected anxiety, I came upon the realization that even at sixty-seven, life is still what I  make of it.  You cannot make yourself live one day longer than what your genetics will allow. If you are honest with yourself you will probably realize that you cannot become a virtuoso at the guitar overnight, especially if your earlier experiences took you in a direction away from music. You can learn and enjoy how to play the guitar if you so desire. You might even want to try your hand at something else.  But remember that you are the one who determines what is worthwhile in this life.

If you want to take pictures of mountain goats like I do, you are probably going to need to stay healthy and exercise daily. If you want to create a painting for your grandchild, you are going to have to buy brushes and choose a color medium and start practicing or taking lessons.  Likewise, if you want to be happy and appreciated, then it is incumbent upon you to be pleasant, engage and spread a sense of wanting to be useful.  It will pay off, I guarantee it... because life is what you make it. Okay? Okay.


"Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
The Winter Garment of Repentance fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To fly - and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing."

Omar Khayyam

I like my milk homogenized and my schemes as pure as the driven snow.

Purity works in gold processing, homogenized milk, and separation of colors in laundry. Watch this short news piece on Elbert County government and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Where do you go if you find yourself on the opposite side of an issue than the current Elbert County government?

2. Does winning an election mean you govern only those who see things your way?

3. Should we remove the term “representative government “ from all of Elbert County documents and replace it with “hand-picked government?”

4. Would Chris Richardson be satisfied with this logic, if he found himself at odds with a sitting BOCC or if he felt his government was not listening to him?

5. Does being  marginalized and disregarded merely because you hold an opposing view to a sitting BOCC mean you should have no voice?

You will notice, I did not use the name of any political party.  Let me assure you that many of  the voices whom this BOCC is trying to silence belong to the historically dominant party here  in Elbert County and they are being ignored as well.  Welcome to the concept of authoritarianism in our own backyard. 

View the Channel 9 News Video

The Elbert County BOCC policy
The Elbert County Board of Commissioners is all "you can't sit with us" (literally) if you don't meet the very specific guidelines.
Posted by Next with Kyle Clark on Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Heart of the Vote

As some of you know, I have been actively involved in helping to administrate the elections process here in Elbert County for many years.  From being an election watcher, to a poll volunteer, to an election judge, I have tried to do my part to help Elbert County have fair and accurate elections.  I do this, knowing full good and well, that there isn't a snowball's chance in Tampa that someone from the Democrats of Elbert County will be elected.  Yes, I am a Democrat.  It is okay. Elections in Colorado require participation by paired teams of both Democrats and Republicans in order to fulfill election laws in the state.

For the last couple of election cycles here in Colorado, we have moved over to a mail-in ballot system.  It is inevitable that when you change any kind of bureaucratic process in a state, especially  one that involves an election, eyebrows will go up and trust levels will go down.  It is human nature.  The immediate question becomes, "What was wrong with the old way?"  Like an old pair of boots, you just expect that when you put 'em on, they're incredibly comfortable, and that is the way your feet are supposed to feel.   But what if I told you that those old clodhoppers that you have been sporting for so many years might actually not be as good for your feet as you always believed?  Heresy you say!  Maybe not.

Before we adopted the mail ballot system here in Colorado, our election integrity rating in Colorado was somewhere in the the middle of the fifty states.  Today we are in the top ten for election integrity.  For those of you who believe the election system is rigged and that the best candidates are getting cheated at the ballot box, think again.  (I am not saying anything about how candidates get on the ticket or survive the selection process by the local political parties.  That is just as big of a hot mess as it has always been on both sides of the political aisle.)  All I am saying, is that if you are looking for a boogeyman in the election offices in your county, our county in particular, the chances here in Colorado are becoming very slim that a cabal of corrupt political pirates are flipping elections.

There is a tremendous amount of accountability in Colorado's election system.  Every voter sends in a ballot with his signature.  Every registered voter has a signature sample (or multiple signature samples) on file with the state.  Every ballot signature is verified by a trained, bipartisan team for authenticity.  If the signature does not cut the mustard, it is put through a system to get to the bottom of why that signature failed to pass. Without a verified signature, the vote won't count, but the ballot at that point undergoes a rigorous "procedure to correct" process.  The voter is contacted and instructed on just how to remedy the situation.  Every vote matters in this system.  And while I cannot speak for every election office in every county in the Colorado, I can tell you with 100% certainty, the Elbert County Election Office takes pride in not only its efficiency, accuracy and adherence to state standards, but more importantly that when they complete an election, they know in their hearts that without bias every vote was treated equally.  I believe that.

I will not go into the minutiae of every step of this system.  Suffice it to say, it takes training from the state and you must pass coursework.  Every year, all judges, election officers, judges, watchers, etc. undergo testing to stay up with the changes (if any) since the last election.  It is important that, if you still have questions about the veracity of our current system, you go online to the Secretary of State's website and peruse the information provided to you on the topic of elections.  

Furthermore, I would encourage you to consider taking the training to become an election watcher so that you can observe first hand, just how thorough our process is here in Colorado.  Consider becoming involved with your political party's election team and volunteer to take the training and work an election. It will not only serve to reassure you about the integrity of the vote here in Colorado, but it will also leave you with a sense of community pride knowing that you performed an honest act of civic duty.

Why did I write this?  Who does it serve?  Let me be crystal clear on a couple of facts before I bring this to a close:  It takes energy to complain about a voting system that is not corrupt.  Do your homework and stop looking for the problems with our political maladies in the election office. If you do not trust this system, at least go to the state and learn how it actually works.  Please do not spread baseless political falsehoods garnered from social media.  As a retired educator I can tell you that intellectual curiosity that leads you to fact check these troubling notions will ultimately save you time and avoid ulcers.  

Now take that energy you saved and put it toward becoming a positive force, involved in the political process.  Pick a party, any party (kind of like a magic deck of cards), and be the person who helps to put candidates up for elections who will actually serve your needs.  It is only important that they serve your needs and also your neighbor's needs.  Stop picking candidates that only campaign on vanquishing the evils of their opponents.  Tell them that you will hold them accountable!  Mean it when you tell them they must deliver on their promises.  Stop believing that those who hold opposing political views are evil.  

Take an opposing party member out for coffee once in a while and talk about what would make your city or county a better place to raise a family.  Let's come together as a community.  If you love your country, remember that it is diversity that made us great, not divisiveness.

Tarantula Sex

Tarantula Sex

With apologies to George Benson

(Sung to the tune "On Broadway")

They say the women treat you right in Ordway
But looking at them just gives me the blues
'Cause how you gonna make some time
When all you got is one thin dime
And one thin dime won't even shine your shoes 

In Ordway

-----------------------------------------

"On Broadway "

Written by Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil in collaboration with the team of

 Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller

Last Thursday I couldn't sleep so I fired up my iPad and found an article that absolutely blew my mind.  It was from the La Junta Tribune-Democrat and was entitled, Tarantulas on the Move This Weekend.  People who know me understand that I have an interest in science, photography, history and politics.  If you count the name of the newspaper, this article covered every one of those bases and I was immediately hooked.  The article outlined the annual migration and "sexcapades" of Colorado's most abundant species of tarantulas.  Yes, Colorado has tarantulas!  Yes, those big hairy spiders. And yes, they are close to where we live!  I must admit, I had never been aware of this annual migration and as a result, I immediately planned a road trip.

The Arkansas River Basin in Southern Colorado is home to literally millions of tarantulas.  The species of which I am referring to is the Oklahoma Brown Tarantula (Aphonopelma hentzi) a.k.a. "The Texas Brown Tarantula, The Missouri Tarantula."  Every year, just about this time, the sexually mature males of this species head out to find themselves a mate.  Love is in the air and spiders are on the move in places and towns with swell names like Swink, La Junta, Ordway, Kim, Timpas, Rocky Ford and Fowler.  No place is as swank as a place like Swink to a Brown Tarantula.

I mistakenly thought the notion of heading out with my cameras to capture the ecstasy and grandeur of tarantula sex would have my friends begging to come along. I imagined this would be such an a popular idea that we might just have to rent a bus. Okay, no one was interested except for my wife, and that may have only been to dial 911 because she could imagine I probably would be attacked by hoards of horny spiders. In support of her reasoning, I admit that I have a history...I can be a klutz.

I need to back up for a moment.  You may have found yourself wondering just how spiders tell the locals that they are about to celebrate this annual event.  After all, this is the only time of year when all of these gallant males of a certain age and drive are going to go out in public and they want people to be aware of their presence, right?  Wrong.  They don't care about a damned thing except for those comely lasses hiding in their underground dirt hidey-holes playing hard-to-get.  

However, It is not the spiders that are the harbingers of arachnosexcapades at all. It is, in fact, the giant wasps known as Tarantula Hawks (Pompilidae, Pepsis sp.). 

 

These beauties are the ones that definitely have the most interest in tarantula migrations.  When the Tarantula Hawks start hanging around, the people who are attune to such occurrences call the local newspapers because they know that the short migration of Oklahoma Brown Tarantulas has begun.  You see, the Tarantula Hawks need tarantulas for laying their eggs.  If a Tarantula Hawk stings you and you happen to be a tarantula, you are in for an excruciating death.  When the Tarantula Hawk strikes, her venom paralyzes the spider.  Then this wasp proceeds to lay her eggs. Unfortunately, the venom does not immediately kill the tarantula;  the slow agonizing death comes from the larvae leisurely eating the paralyzed, very alive spider right there on the spot. 

In a bit of irony, the venom from an Oklahoma Brown Tarantula is no more dangerous to humans than the sting from your average honey bee. In fact, some experts say they have no venom whatsoever. The Tarantula Hawk, on the other hand, has one of the most vicious stings in terms of pain that a human being can endure.   

 

'The sting of the Hawkwasp is likened to being electrocuted, or having your blood replaced by fire.' 

Sting researcher

 

People are pretty casual about dispatching a single wasp. Without too much fear they are quick to grab a flyswatter to kill any irritating flying critter.  I am reminded of my father who was deathly afraid of snakes.  Once as a child, I caught a small harmless garden snake and wanted to keep it as a pet. My dad nixed that plan even though I assured him it would not harm him.  He very carefully explained to me that it is not the snake that would kill you;  it is running into a low pipe while trying to flee what you are afraid of that will kill you. Wisdom I think we should all consider. 

That is the way it is with Oklahoma Brown Tarantulas.  They really are quite harmless, but if you jump into the path of an oncoming bus to avoid one, you are a goner.  However, if  that Tarantula Hawk stings you, it will be excruciating and something you will never forget. Few people know about the Tarantula Hawk sting but they become experts once it tags them.  Just something to keep in mind...

 

My wife and I headed out early and were in the Arkansas River Basin within a few hours.  I decided to take the matter of how to find the tarantulas by the horns...ask the locals.  We pulled into a few convenience stores and I would casually wander up to the counter and ask, "Do you know where the spiders are, erm... you know, migrating to have sex?"  With almost no exception, people were quick to point out that while they knew the Basin was a hotbed for the big hairy spiders, nobody seemed to realize that the migration was in progress or where one would find some wild, risqué spider action. I think a couple of people thought I was pulling their legs. One woman seemed flattered that I thought she looked like a person who might be in command of such information. I was getting nowhere fast. I knew that if this were going to be a successful expedition then I was going to have to be smarter about my exploratory methods.

My next move proved to be a lot more productive. While in line at a convenience store, I tried talking only to those who looked like people who were interested in spiders. (I personally know two people who are really into spiders. Both are attractive, highly intelligent, fun-loving people and both females. However, neither of them were with us to help with our spider quest.) Nobody seemed to be on top of the subject until one man approached me in line.  He said, “I noticed you were talking to all of the attractive, highly intelligent, fun-loving women in line here about spider sex.” He followed up with, “ While I am not female or particularly attractive, I did read an article in the local paper last Friday.  Find that paper and you will find the information for which you seek.”  He then vanished in a puff of smoke.  Did I mention he was smoking a cigar?  

I told Gaye about the incident and she immediately looked up the article online that I referenced above.  It was a very informative piece that gave actual details on where sightings might in fact be possible.  Eureka! We had an actual lead.

 

We headed out toward Kim, CO from La Junta to look in the recommended areas and drove for what seemed to be an eternity.  While I cannot be certain of this, I believe that temperature is crucial to the art of tarantula spotting. As the afternoon got a little warmer, those determined, hairy boys started heading out onto the roads. And one by one, they started their journey across the asphalt.  It was awesome.

I must digress for a moment to mention that the likelihood of you seeing a tarantula from a speeding car is greatly enhanced when they actually step out on to the pavement. Despite their large size, (up to five inches in diameter), they are virtually impossible to see in the grasses and weeds on the soft shoulders. They are camouflage geniuses. 

And, I contend that all of the jokes you have heard for your entire life about why the chicken crossed the road actually originated with big hairy spiders. Why did the chicken cross the road?  Well, it was a damned chicken, and if you know chickens, you are probably aware that they are both flighty and a tad scatter-brained.  They might not even give you the same answer twice in a week about their motives regarding getting from one side of the street to the other.  

Compare that to the answer you might get from an Oklahoma Brown Tarantula if you asked him why he was crossing the road.  The sturdy spider will, without hesitation, tell you that he was crossing the road to get laid.  We tend to be a bit puritanical here in the USA, so it is just easier to make fun of chickens than it is to answer questions about sex.  I am sure that made sense to someone reading this, but as I said a few paragraphs back in this article, “I digress.”

Both the male and female of the Oklahoma Brown Tarantula species molt every year to allow for growth.  Until he becomes sexually mature, the male is slower, chubbier, less attractive and certainly less buff than when he finishes his final molt.  That final molt is like a super makeover.  He is leaner, faster and so much better equipped to meet the ladies.  If I am not mistaken, he even develops tibial hooks on his legs to keep his amorous, yet bite-happy partner from nipping the crap out of him with her ample fangs as they go about the process of making wee baby spiders. He is often successful dodging her "love bites"  and if he is, he just may live long enough to find a few more partners before he dies.  Yep, this is a once in a lifetime migration for him. He is gonna die.   Period.   Done.  Last hurrah.

Those female Oklahoma Browns, on the other hand, may have many partners over the course of their lifetimes. These lovely creatures can live up to 30 years in the wild.  Go figure.  Where is the justice?

It was a fascinating day, and I know enough now to look for the event each Fall, and I definitely will. The spiders are actually pretty easy to photograph and even though they are not particularly enamored by the attention, they really just want to get about their business. I am certain that kids would just go wild at the opportunity to meet spiders this large in the wild.  Of course, they should not be picked up or taken home to become "pets."  Remember, the spider that you pick up is more than likely to be a sexually mature male and, sadly for him, at the end of his life cycle. He needs to spend the remainder of his time here left on Earth doing his spider business. His destiny. 

Look for an article next year, around this time in October, from me. Perhaps a tour bus with scores of tarantula sex enthusiasts can be arranged. Okay, not every idea is a good idea.